Fluents Have Feelings, Too

I’ve been told from you (extremely wonderful) Fluents that read my blog, that you do so for a number of reasons: to understand stuttering, to help spread awareness, or to support a stutterer that you know. I focus the majority of my attention on stutterers, and for valid reasons. With only 1% of the population life-long stutterers, this is an extremely unrepresented, misunderstood group. But, with 99% of the population being fluent, this blog naturally reaches more fluents than stutterers.

I receive Fluents’ feedback regularly, and two of the most frequent questions are: “How should I react when someone is stuttering?” as well as: “What can I do to help?” I’ll answer these questions, but I’ll do one step further. Over the next few posts, I’ll be taking a brief look into the reactions of fluents, and how this appears from a stutterer’s point of view.

If you don’t know me, you’re probably wondering, “How can you cross into a Fluent’s point of view?” I will be asking the opinions of Fluents around me, as well as uncovering any research on the issue I can find. However, I’ll put my qualifications simply: I just love people. It’s not because I feel I’m particularly insightful or perceptive, and I certainly don’t assume that all 99% of fluents will fall precisely into my categories. I just enjoy interacting. Despite my stutter, I’ve spent nearly twenty years talking, conversing, and exchanging ideas with Fluents.

I’ve met three main kinds of Fluents: the Confused, the Empathetic, and the Encouraging. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be analyzing these groups more closely and giving specific advice to each group.

But first, let’s answer the original question. How should you react when speaking to a stutterer? Keep everything as normal as possible. I realize this is easier said than done. There are, however, some obvious reactions Fluents have that are preventable—like staring relentlessly, or not making any eye contact. Laughing (in reaction to the stutter) should be avoided as well.

If you converse regularly with a stutterer but either can’t get used to the impediment, or don’t know how to react, ask the stutterer themselves. It may be an awkward conversation at first, but the stutterer will appreciate your thoughtfulness. It’s a great feeling to have someone care enough about you to take your feelings into account. So Fluents, if you’re in doubt, go straight to the stuttering-source.

And stutterers, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. This topic will be extremely useful for you, as well. The more you understand Fluents, the less their reactions will affect you in an unhelpful way… and eventually, the more comfortable with your stutter you’ll become.

Let me end by apologizing for my delayed updates. I’ve been contemplating starting this subject for a while, and it’s taken me some time to begin. That being said, I promise to be more diligent, as I really do believe this blog can accomplish something great.

I’ll continue this topic soon. Be looking for more frequent updates!   

-Rachel

The “Why Me?” Stutterer

You’re standing inside your local bank, requesting to withdrawal from your account. Or you’re in class, and it’s your turn to participate in a group discussion. Maybe you’re talking to your family, or introducing yourself to someone new.  Either way, you eventually notice the sly presence of stutter-anticipation growing in your mind.  Your body tenses; your teeth feel foreign, and misplaced. You fight for control, but it’s inevitable: you stutter.  And even after the conversation is over, shame still weighs on your tongue. You can’t help but wonder: “Why me?”

I’ll answer this question— but stutterers, please bear with me. I learned this the hard way, and if I can spare anyone unnecessary grief, then I will.  This topic will be uncomfortable, but it’s something I wish someone had told me years ago.

So, you ask: “Why me?”

Individually, these words are completely harmless. But together, they’re dynamite… one fuse away from destroying your self-confidence. This may sound extreme, but stutterers, you have to stop asking this question.  Despite stuttering research and discoveries, there is no clear answer. You may never know why you have a speech impediment—but you do. If you’re an adult, then it’s already a part of who you are. Stop regretting things you can’t change.  Too many times have I agonized over my words—just to realize, finally, that no amount of anxiety will repair my speech. If anything, it’s quite the opposite. Self pity is neither healthy, nor helpful. The more I fret, the more I fear hearing my own voice… and the more I stutter.

This doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days. But what you do on those days will make all the difference.  Because every person is unique, I can’t offer you a universal resolution— but, I can give you three pieces of advice:

1.        Don’t keep your unhappiness to yourself. Like I’ve said before, the biggest lie stutterers concoct is: “I’m alone.” There is no truth to this, and when you feel downhearted, the worst thing you can do is keep it inside. There is someone that cares about you—a family member, a friend, a speech therapist… even me. We want to know what you’re feeling.  Acknowledging your stutter, as well as your feelings towards it, is such a sweet freedom.  It may be uncomfortable at first (for you, and for the Fluent you’re confiding in) but the more you speak about it, the less often you’ll feel the need to.  Fluents, my advice for you is simple: listen. We don’t expect you to have a cure, and we know it’s difficult for you to empathize. But sympathize, and when you’re not listening, encourage. (And please, don’t say any form of: “I understand… sometimes I stutter, too.” I know you mean well, but there really is a significant difference in occasionally speaking too quickly, and having a speech impediment.  Your comfort is wonderful— but, making your molehill disfluency into a mountain makes our speech impediment feel like its own continent)

2.       Allow yourself time to be sad. Don’t deny yourself grief. Stuttering is frustrating, dispiriting, and painful. Grieve, and do so deeply… then move on. Self-pity can control your life if you allow it to. Don’t let your stutter become bigger than you are.

3.       Let positivity in. It’s difficult to be positive after a day of stuttering, and putting yourself in an optimistic mindset is easier said than done. Sometimes, you’ll have to make a conscious effort to pull yourself out of a bad day. So, what can you do? Engage yourself in something you do well, or something you enjoy. Are you athletic? Go take a run. Are you great in the kitchen? Fire up the skillet. The more you emphasize your strengths, the less influence your stutter will have.     

If you sincerely make an effort, I promise your stutter will lose its sting. In the past, the smallest disfluency or acknowledgement of my stutter sent flames to my cheeks. The thoughts were consuming, and kept my mouth wound shut. I was convinced that not speaking could prevent what I was feeling, but I was wrong. The only emotion I prevented was happiness.   

That being said, let’s return to the crux of the matter. Stutterers, you ask, “Why me?”

Well… why not you?

Everyone has insecurities, everyone has imperfections—and while I recognize that stuttering is certainly a different type of insecurity (after all, stuttering has no cure, and no “fix”) you can’t hold this flaw superior over any other. Yes, it’s rare; yes, it’s unwarranted. But don’t give your stutter any more power than it already has. It already influences your mouth. Don’t let it manipulate your thoughts, or invade your heart.  You are a person who stutters. You are not just a stutterer. This does not, and should not, define you.

This is how I define myself. I am a daughter, sister, friend, coworker, supporter, laugher, lover, and writer… who happens to stutter. 

So, who are you?

-Rachel

Are Stutterers to Blame?

For a long time, I thought my stutter was my fault.

My mouth froze, my jaw twitched. My tongue searched desperately to achieve correct contact. But I always knew the words I wanted to say. I could see them in my head. I could spell them, rhyme them, sing them in a song. But trying to speak them, especially in mid-stutter, was debilitating.

The more frustrating my speech became, the more curious I grew of its cause. But even after discovering the four main factors (genetics, child development, family dynamics, and neurophysiology from my last entry) I was still frustrated. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just stop.

Couldn’t I control my own body?

That’s when I realized… stuttering is not a physical disability. It’s a psychological one.

My difficulty is my thought process. If I speak freely I hardly ever stutter. On the other hand, if I allow my thoughts time to fully develop, mentally arranging my sentences, my mind hunts for Problem Words… and the anticipation of the words causes my stutter. In this circumstance, the obvious solution seems to be simple: speak before you think. But realistically, can that be applied to every situation?

It’s when stutterers most desire to be fluent that their thoughts must be carefully chosen… making this method completely counterproductive.  Would you, for instance, advise a “speak-then-think” mindset during a job interview? Or when you’re presenting a project in class? In addition to this, these situations are usually more stressful, and increase disfluency. This combination means our words sound like scrambled eggs compared to the Eggs Benedict we had originally planned.

Still, the idea of stutter-anticipation causing a speech impediment is something I’m not entirely comfortable with.  It implies that stutterers (or at least stutterers like me) have a choice in stuttering. But you can’t control your subconscious. If you’re attempting to avoid thinking… well, you’ll instinctively think. I can’t make a mindful decision to speak freely. Our intellect, unfortunately, doesn’t function like this.

Though stutterers can’t consciously avoid stuttering-anticipation, I can’t help but wonder its role in the disorder. We know the four factors are why most children start to stutter. 5% of children at or below the preschool level will stutter; but 3/4 of these stutters will correct themselves by late childhood. So, the real question isn’t: what causes stuttering? Instead, we should be asking: why do some children never stop? Do stuttering children develop stutter-anticipation, and increase their chances of having a lifelong stutter?

With all the progress researchers are making, I know one day I’ll receive answers to these questions. Truthfully, I can’t be certain that stuttering-anticipation is as significant to all stutterers as it is to me. That’s definitely something I’d like to explore, and if you can offer any insight, I’d love to hear it.

In the meantime, there is one thing that I do know: intervention, not prevention, should be our focus. No matter how much stuttering research excites me, I know my speech impediment will always be a part of my life. And I’m just beginning to understand that doesn’t have to be a terrible thing.

A few weeks ago, I met a woman at my job that I instantly liked; over the summer, we’ve had an abundance of jokes and conversations. But I learned, just recently, that she is a speech pathologist. She told me something today that I know will always remain with me. After she left, I grabbed a piece of scrap paper and wrote her words down, terrified to forget them. “Fluency is such a small part of communication,” she told me. “You’ve got everything you need, really… you have heart.”  

My heart is dedicated to stutterers. And I hope this blog is helping you understand why.

-Rachel

What Causes Stuttering?

Stuttering affects over 3 million people in the United States. Though this number seems hefty, let’s put it into perspective.

30% of Americans still read the newspaper.

20% of Americans smoke cigarettes.

25% of Americans eat fast food every day.

1% of Americans stutter.

With that comparison, the lack of analysis and knowledge about stuttering isn’t shocking; this, along with the disorder’s intricacy, keeps the cause of stuttering evasive and vague. Also, it's possible that what causes stuttering differs from what makes it continue or get worse (though that's a new entry entirely). The exploration for this week, however, is the cause of stuttering.

Though its origin can't be pinpointed, we know that stuttering occurs when a combination of factors come together. Most researchers agree on four possible factors: genetics, child development, family dynamics, and neurophysiology. 

Genetics is the elephant that won’t leave the stuttering room. Though 60% of stutterers have family members who also stutter (myself included) it’s yet to be directly associated with the disorder. New information, however, indicates genetics as a factor. Researchers have discovered the first genes linked to stuttering: a complex set of three mutated genes, found inside 1 of every 11 stutterers. Though the study’s significance remains uncertain, this breakthrough is certainly leading scientists into a positive direction.

Child development and family dynamics are two parallel roots in the stuttering tree. It’s common sense to assume that children with other speech problems (or developmental delays) are potential stutterers. Also, children raised in fast-paced, or stressful households, are more likely to stutter. These possible factors usually make parents horrified. When I first began taking speech therapy, my mom (who is not only extremely supportive, but also well researched on my disorder) turned to me and said, “Your therapist better not blame me.” Though we laughed at the absurd possibility, I know that for my mom, it’s a sincere concern. But my parents, like other compassionate parents of stutterers, are not responsible for their child’s disorder. Parents: if you’re apprehensive, then you’re blameless. Clearly, it means you care.

The last stuttering factor comes from neurophysiology, which is the study of the nervous system. Scientists believe neurophysiology helps prove that stutterers process speech in an unusual way. The University of Toronto recently conducted a study about stuttering. They gave Fluents and stutterers something to read silently, and measured the brain activity of both.  Their results surprised me, though not because of any innovative insight. The observations scientists are making have been described previously in my blog.

For instance, Toronto’s researchers found that when stutterers read, they activate a region of the brain that controls anticipatory reactions to complex tasks. This activation implies that stutterers silently rehearse words before speaking. Another discovery showed that stutterers have increased brain activity, especially in the right hemisphere. Researchers believe this proves stutterers process speech by scanning and scrutinizing their words.

This study's results greatly comforted me. Stutterers are more critical of their speech than anyone, so I know that some part of every stutterer wonders, “Am I to blame?” I’ve wondered this question often, arguing both sides. The answer, however, is no. I’ll save this complexity’s explanation for next week, and instead, conclude by answering a new complexity.

I’d like to remedy some misinterpretations, as well as clarify my intentions for this blog. I created it to help others who stutter. I’ve continued it because it helps Fluents understand stuttering. And I’ll continue to write it, persistently so, because helping others helps me. This blog was not created out of self-pity, and does not seek sympathy. I know there are much worse circumstances that I could encounter in life, and don’t believe that stuttering triumphs inflictions, maladies, or disease. What I do believe is this: stutterers must be understood, supported, and encouraged.

Without it, three million people will always feel alone.  

-Rachel 

What is Stuttering?

It’s a simple question with a complicated answer: What is stuttering?

Stuttering is a communication disorder, affecting less than 1% of the population. There are three main classifications of stuttering: repetition, prolongation, and stoppage. Many stutterers have a combination, but one specific type that’s more dominant. To fully grasp the differences, they should be heard. The following are videos clips of actual stutterers.

            Gracie is primarily a repetition stutterer.

            Ashlee is primarily a stoppage stutterer.

            Gianna is primarily a prolongation stutterer.         

You can see the struggle on their faces as they resist their speech. Unusual facial and body movements are common among stutterers. There are, however, many inner battles being fought inside Gracie, Ashlee, and Gianna that aren’t easily noticed.

The primary battle for a stutterer is trying to say words that they can’t. I’ll call these words Problem Words. Stutterers have dozens of innate tricks to avoid Problem Words. Some will postpone Problem Words by replacing them with pauses, or digressions; some will use physical movements, such as head jerks, to physically “force” Problem Words out (I’ll sometimes clench my fists without even realizing it). There are many techniques, both taught and instinctual, that I’ll explain later. First, though, I want to show what happens when you can’t win this battle, and Problem Words invade your speech.

The mind of stutterer is fast, but frenzied. After stuttering on certain words, sounds, or letters (Problem Words) we automatically begin avoiding them. Kristen Chmela, a speech pathologist from Long Grove, understands stutter-expectation. “I used to know, prior to stuttering on a word,” she said, “that I was going to a have a problem on it.”

This is when substitution comes in. Substitution is a technique stutters use to avoid saying Problem Words; they replace the Problem Words for other word(s) like it (synonyms).

If I, for instance, want to say: “I appreciate you letting me come over,” I’m immediately aware that two of my Problem Words are ‘appreciate’ and ‘letting.’ I would start substituting as soon as the potential stuttering approached. In this situation, I’d like to imagine by mind works similarly to a swat team; it surrounds my sentence, isolates the Problem Words, and demands its surrender. What I would say in lieu of the original thought would be: “I’m so glad I came over, thank you.” This process happens so swiftly, it occurs without anyone else realizing it.   

But substitution doesn’t always work. Yesterday, for example, was my mom’s birthday. I called our local bakery to order her an apple spice cake (her favorite). But I usually stutter on words that start in vowels. So instead of requesting the cake directly, I substituted, asking, “What kind of spicy, fruity cakes do you have?” I knew it sounded ridiculous, but I was desperate to avoid stuttering. The employee replied, “Well, we have a carrot cake.” I sighed. I couldn’t order the wrong cake just to avoid my stutter. “I think she likes the… a a-a-apple cake,” I said.

Once I started stuttering, I couldn’t stop. Stuttering is similar to a rolling snowball in that way. But even though I was completely aware of my stutter, I wasn’t as embarrassed as I might’ve been in the past. I did what I had to, and my mom’s birthday cake ended up being wonderful. At the end of the day, those few moments of discomfort were worth it.

           

Stutterers, I know you’ll avoid Problem Words, but in situations that you can’t, don’t be afraid to say them. The more you anticipate a Problem Word’s arrival, the more anxious you’ll be when it finally appears. So say it and move on, regardless of how it unraveled.

Be brave, stutterers, and know that, despite what form your words might take, relief will always follow.

-Rachel

The Beginning

  My name is Rachel and I’m a stutterer.

            Stutterers have questions. In this disorder, it’s easy to feel lost. Some are desperate to understand the mechanics of it all—such as: What caused this? How can I prevent it? How do I cope with it when I can’t prevent it?

            Some are agonized emotionally, and wonder: How do I explain this? Can I handle the mocking, and the shame? Can I deal with my stutter at work, when I’m with my family, or while I’m in a relationship?

            I’ll answer all these questions and more; but first, I'll answer the most common, yet destructive, question a stutterer asks. I remember wondering this as a child, coming home from elementary school one afternoon, red-faced because I couldn’t clearly respond to my teacher in class. This question haunted me through middle school, high school, and all the way to college, and I’m certain it’s plagued some of you, too: Why do I feel so alone?

The answer is simple: because you choose to be. You are not alone. Stutterers deceive themselves into thinking that no one understands, or cares, or listens. But I understand, I care, and I listen, and I know there are many people out there who do, too.  The resources for stutterers are numerous (if you’re skeptical, there are links on the left-hand side of this page). These sites are extremely valuable, but are missing camaraderie; there’s no sense of togetherness. Because of this, I always yearned to meet someone who understood what I was going through… and for other stutterers, I hope this blog will do just that. My goal is to help, advise, and support in any way that I can. 

While this blog may be a haven for stutterers, it’s foreign territory to fluents (this is a term I invented for the majority of the population, who have little to no disfluency).  But fluents, don’t pull out your artillery just yet; I haven’t forgotten about you. I believe I speak for most stutterers when I say we’re not looking for sympathy, and we’re certainly not looking for someone to blame. Most people that have mocked my stutter did so because they thought I was joking, and how can I blame them? If I’m not upfront when I meet someone (the hide-the-stutter game, which I’ll get to later) then when I do stutter, they don’t know how to respond. It’s an uncomfortable situation, and I can’t give you a foolproof answer… but, what I can give you is even better.

Fluents, use this blog as a way to understand, empathize, and glimpse into the secret, speech impediment world. Try keeping an open mind— after all, many of you have friends, family members, classmates, and colleagues that have speech impediments. (For some of you, that may even be me). If any of you have ever heard, spoken to, or cared about someone that stutters and wondered why, then this blog is for you. Everyone has insecurities, and everyone desires compassion. Stutterers are no different.

Though the blogging world is vast and competitive, I'm optimistic that I can make a difference. This is something I'm truly passionate about. If I can help even one stutterer overcome their problems, then it’ll all be worth it.

-Rachel